Good synthesizer manufacturer slogans SATIRE

If synthesizer manufacturers would come up with realistic, honest corporate slogans, they might sound like this.

Rhys Hughes:

Moog - we now do 2 notes.

Roland - we are powered by impotent rage of analogue purists

Nord - building the same synth for 20 years

Yamaha - as seen on cruise ships around the world

Akai - *distant sound of landfill*
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Steven Edward Streight:

Casio - Just add some guitar effects boxes to sound good.

Korg - From little Monotron to big Kronos and everything in between including kaoss pads.

Behringer - Still ripping off other manufacturers and getting away with it.

Elektron - Once you get used to the work flow, you might like it.

Pittsburgh Modular Synthesizers - Figure it out, you pussy.

Trogotronic - Ugly noise to scare the shit out of those DX7 sissies.

Dave Smith Instruments - Still innovative after inventing MIDI. Sorry about the weird Evolver interface!

Arturia - Stop saying our drums aren't 808s.

Critter & Guitari - How weird can we get?

Folktek - We just got even weirder.

Dreadbox - Spooky names to scare the crybabies at Synthesizer Freaks.

Kurzweil - How many pianos do you want today?

Novation - We do pretty lights better than anybody.

Bastl Instruments - Stranger than most, sturdier than some.

Buchla - West Coast experimental is going to cost you.

Abstrakt Instruments - How many analog basslines do you want today?

Marcus Lemonis invests his own money, tens of millions, into failing businesses he believes in. 

Here is THE PROFIT television show's -- "Top 10 Rules for Business Success":


(1) Don't Be An Ass.

Treat people nicely, without being a chump. Really crazy business people have zero self-awareness, it shows immediately and they will not change.

(2) Make Your Employees #1.

Customers are sometimes wrong. If you treat your employees great, you'll also have good customer relations. Hire the right people, then tap into their strengths.

(3) Know What You're NOT Good At.

Then find experts to help you. You don't need to excel at everything. But you need to find ways to make up for what you're weak at.

(4) Avoid Drama.

Sometimes you have to just accept the crazy and work around it. Family businesses bring long-festering issues and conflict into the picture. Working with friends and relatives can be very dangerous, because you may overlook bad aspects of their work and attitudes. Deal with dysfunction, build on strengths.

(5) Be Vulnerable.

Open up, let your emotions be expressed when appropriate, instead of allowing them to be repressed and boiling under the surface.

(6) Be Authentic.

Not pretentious. Your business has a story, but it must be non-fiction. Customers don't want fake narratives contrived to sell products based on falsehoods.

(7) Be Transparent.

Don't lie about anything. Be trustworthy. "Little by little, the story kept changing. He lies because he doesn't know how to do anything else. He's used to manipulating people deceitfully. I lost $300,000 on that deal."

(8) It's All About Follow-Through.

I don't run your entire business. I don't manage it forever. You must step up to the plate and perform. You must do what you agreed to do when we made the deal. You must consistently show strong leadership in your company.

(9) Know Your Numbers.

Know your production costs and sales figures. Know your profit margins. Have accurate and ethical accounting processes. The numbers are the health report for your business.

(10) Don't Blame Others.

Quit whining. Stop pointing fingers. Roll up your sleeves and get to work.

How Customer-Centric Website Content Increases Sales

As a business, you need to be found by customers.

People who have a need that your products satisfy, they should be able to find you when they do a Google search, using keywords related to their problem.

How does your business appear high in Google search results?

SEO, search engine optimization, which includes improving your website's HTML code meta tags -- and adding better written content that answers questions asked by customers.

Most websites have HTML code that is not compliant with Google Webmaster SEO requirements. This can be easily seen by looking at the source code and comparing it with what Google recommends.

Most websites also use a company-centric approach to content, instead of a customer-centric approach. Talking about your company from your own point of view is a guaranteed way to bore and annoy customers.

Nobody wants to know more about your company.

People want to know more about solutions to their needs and problems. That's their top priority.

Business people wrongly think, "If people knew who we are and what we do, they'd buy from us."

Correct orientation is, "If we understood better what the customers need and how they talk about it, we'd be more successful at promoting our products as the solution."

Your website, your blog, and your Facebook business page should be slanted entirely and aggressively toward customer needs. Typical customer questions should be answered.

Guidance should be given to customers so they can discover which products best solve their problems.

When you show your customers how their problems can be solved, how their lives can be enhanced, how their needs can be met -- THEN they'll want to know more about your company and products.

The words "you" and "your" must dominate your online content. You'll see website traffic and sales increase dramatically when you change your content strategy to be customer-focused.

By adding more customer-centric content to your website, blog, and Facebook business page, you'll be telling Google that your business has answers that customers are seeking.

By addressing customer concerns, interests, and needs, your online presences will position your business as a leader in its field, so that Google will start making your website rise higher and higher in search results show to customers.

Your website should be working just as hard as you do. It's one of your most important sales and marketing tools.