Thursday, January 15, 2009

creative MySpace music artist bios 5

Whether you're a music band or any other business, your Bio or About Me page is extremely important. Interesting is always better than boring. But how do you come up with an interesting self-promoting paragraph or two?

Bands have far more freedom for creativity than non-entertainment businesses. But even the most sober and staid business enterprise can learn from their wilder colleagues.

A band can be silly and even totally mystifying and confusing, because that would be a relief from typical self-promoting band bios.

Who really wants to read another:

"I've been strumming guitar since I was 3 months old, and wrote my first rock opera a few days later. Our lyrics are meaningful and you can easily hum along with the melodies. We are the hardest rocking crew on earth. Nobody is as cool as us. We love our fans. blah blah blah" ????

Anyway, maybe you can glean a few insights by examining the following bios of MySpace music artists. Go here for the: other posts in this series.

The Walter Kronkite Trio

Introducing..The Walter KronKite Trio

This Site and Music are dedicated, in Reverence, to the great, Walter Cronkite. The greatest TV personality/news commentator ever.

He was a man's man, and a Voice of Authority, that is respected by all who have followed him. When I was young, and when he was on TV, if he had said to 'sit down, and shut up' I would have done so, with no words back.

All of Walter's materials used for this project were found on Youtube, and you can go there and see this great man in action.

Walter is alive and well and still a great influence for all generations. We are proud to serve under his Influence. -WKT

Leonard Cohen

Leonard Cohen (b. September 21, 1934 in Montreal, Quebec, Canada) represents the quintessential marriage of extraordinary artistry and sharp, poignant intellect. Known primarily as a folk singer/songwriter, Cohen is equally a brilliant poet and novelist compared to the likes of James Joyce or Henry Miller.

It was not until 1967, at which time Cohen was well in his thirties, that he released his debut album, The Songs of Leonard Cohen; by this time he was an internationally celebrated writer, and so it is that same literary base which elevates Cohen’s musical work to the heights of genius.

Including such songs as “Suzanne,” “Sisters of Mercy” and “So Long, Marianne,” the album is a melancholy masterpiece of insight and observation. His next album, the dark and minimalist Songs from a Room, was released in 1969 and includes such powerful songs as the sparse classic “Bird on the Wire” and the anti-war “The Story of Isaac.”

The 1970s was another highly prolific decade for Cohen, with the release of albums such as Songs of Love and Hate (1971,) Live Songs (1973,) and, after a tour of Israeli army bases during the Yom Kippur War, New Skin for the Old Ceremony (1974,) Death of a Ladies’ Man (1977,) and Recent Songs (1979.)

In 1984, Cohen released the critically acclaimed Various Positions, a more modern-sounding collection of songs prominently featuring vocalist Jennifer Warnes and including the masterpiece “Hallelujah,” later famously covered by Jeff Buckley. Cohen spent a considerable amount of the 1990s in deep seclusion at a Zen Buddhist retreat in California, eventually becoming ordained as a Rinzai Zen Buddhist monk under the name Jikjan.

After leaving the retreat in 1999, he began collaborating with singer/songwriter Sharon Robinson for 2001’s Ten New Songs, and in 2004 released the experimental and far less somber Dear Heather, his first collaboration with jazz singer/songwriter Anjani Thomas.

Leonard Cohen – the singer/songwriter, poet, novelist and thinker – stands among the “highest and most influential echelon of songwriters,” combining a dark, explicit and bitterly ironical tone with lush and deeply romantic sensuality to discuss, like none other, such themes as love, religion, isolation, sexuality, death and beauty. For this reason Leonard Cohen remains one of the most fascinating artistic figures of our times.


Throughout the 90s, CHEMLAB blazed a fearsome trail through the Indie music scene, alternately setting then breaking every convention of driving Machine Rock. Their music exploits the chaos found when the oil-slick of digital dance grooves meets the sonic, churning water of the guitar's organic roar.

CHEMLABs first full album, Burn Out At The Hydrogen Bar was written in the fuse burned, midi-ghettos of NYC by superuncool co-conspirators Jared Louche and Dylan More with the help of lost gutter saints Mark Kermanj, Steve "Fly" Watson and Ned Wahl.

Recorded in 1992 at Chicago Trax studio, Burn Out quickly became the Machine Rock standard against which future records have been measured. Forged of tense, sample-rich programming, drenched in vicious, guitar roar and venting lyrics about a surreal, damaged proto-future, it unleashed a tsunami of rave reviews from magazines as varied as Alternative Press, Raygun, Keyboard and Rolling Stone.

The record torched through the charts, trashed dance floors and shoved the band out on endless tours supporting Nine Inch Nails, White Zombie, Skrew and many others. After countless line-up changes and finally joined by rail-gun drummer Servo, CHEMLABs next album, East Side Militia, was written and recorded with old friends William Tucker (Ministry, Foetus) and touring guitarists Geno Lenardo (pre-Filter) and Krayge Tyler ( Virus 23 and before that Crazytown digression).

East Side capitalised on the power of Burn Out, four-wheeling CHEMLABs explosive sound through uncharted terrain that mixed hammering dance-rock songs with disturbing ambient nightmares.

Again the band received glowing press reviews, and again the record confounded all expectations. CHEMLAB took their gasoline riot shows on the road once more, touring with KMFDM, GWAR, Sister Machine Gun, 16 Volt and more. Tireless gigging, avalanches of critical acclaim, extensive radio play and a reputation for pushing the envelope of the unexpected has built CHEMLAB a broad and ferociously loyal fan base around the world.

The last few years have seen CHEMLAB frontman Jared Louche release a solo record from his decadent new base in London (the critically acclaimed Covergirl, produced by Martin Atkins), collaborate with electro-sex-noise project h3llb3nt (feat. members of CHEMLAB, 16 Volt, Haloblack/X-Lover, Thrill Kill Kult), spread his solo performance smear all over London, the UK and Europe, and tour the US many times with Pigface.

Now suited, rebooted and mutated, CHEMLAB explodes onto the scene once more with their Invisible Records monsterpiece Oxidizer, offering up a musical scornocopia that drags Machine Rock deep into the future. Recorded with Jason Novak and Jamie Duffy (Acumen Nation) and long-time CHEMLAB collaborator FJ (the Aggression), Oxidizer is the perfect synthesis between the violence of Burn Out and the groove of East Side, all of it channelled through a fractured T-Rex filter.

The album features long-time CHEMLAB touring guitarist Greg Lucas, who adds a rich Stooges sound to the twisted, motorik programming. Oxidizer was produced by Jared Louche, Jason Novak and Julian Beeston (Nitzer Ebb, Cyber-Tec, Pigface etc).

From the vicious Industrial slam of Binary Nation to the destructo-metal chunk of Monkey God, from the outer-spaced sadness of Megahurts to the lipstick-smeared Glam-Punk of Scornocopia, Oxidizer packs a fistful of sharp hooks, swaggering attitude and Machine Rock glory that will resonate long after the latest flavor-of-the-month bands have whimpered into obscurity.

Since the dead-heat summer of 2005 CHEMLAB has resurfaced as a touring entity as well. With the tireless help and sweat of genius programmer, multi-instrumentalist Gabriel from ebm atmosphere-generator mindFIELD ( and also the ever-viral, the band have been playing select "hit-it-and-quit-it" shows around the country with a fully rewired and ever-mutating line-up.

Plans are in the ethers for tours both around the US as well as the rest of the globe, so don't touch that dial. We're not done fucking with your little universe yet!

The Pink Snowflakes

Indie kids have been psych rocking like its 1969 for the better part of a decade now, so the breathless hype surrounding head-trippy Portland youngsters the Pink Snowflakes is a bit facile. But unlike many of their indulgent brethren, the Pink Snowflakes conjure the visceral rock punch and the melodicism of the original psychedelic movement in a way that bellies their age.

As with neopsychedelia, the prevailing attitude is far more inspired by bad acid trips than the summer of love, but the band's work stands alone for its originality and spirit, instead of seeming like some precocious hipster pastiche. They're definitely a band to watch this year. (PD)



For 24 years I have been preaching to the world to embrace the good. My music and words have annointed the ears and minds of a new generation of global citizens. That's this generation! Not everyone has been so keen about my mission. Some have said that I was too preachy... or not preachy enough... too righteous.... and even too wicked.

Some have implied that I am not worthy. Some have called me blasphemous. I have been blacklisted for "being a Christian". I have been blacklisted for "being evil". Some have even called me a fake. It's time to set the record straight.

BLACKHOUSE is an art project. I am an artist. I create aural visions for your ears so that you may create the visual in your head. I am also a storyteller.

BLACKHOUSE is the story of Life. My Life. Our Lives. We are all in this together... like it or not. And it's not just art. A true artist is a philosopher, an entertainer... a pundit and a motivator.

I created BLACKHOUSE in 1984 as an answer. A rebuttal. A retaliation against a disturbing trend that I recognized to be destructive. I created BLACKHOUSE to combat a culture : The Lovers Of Death.

The lovers of death are all around us. Never before have I witnessed such evil. Look at the wars, the torture and the worship of hate and pain. And it gets much worse... we have so-called Christians advocating murder, defending torture and pushing the world towards global destruction in "the name of The Rapture".

It's not just the radical wing of the Christian Right either, we have the Zionists to thank... and all the others who worship death instead of Life. These misguided death lovers consider themselves to be good! They believe that by killing and hurting others that God will return to claim His people - them! To this I say:


My fans come from many different backgrounds. Some are Christian, some are atheist, some are satanists I am sure. Some are Muslims and some just don't feel right being put into a rigidly defined doctrine. The thing that brings all of these people together is that we wish for the good. We embrace the moment. We care for others and have feelings about what is right and what is wrong. We worship life and all that it brings us. We are The Lovers Of Life.

EVERY DAY there is a war going on between The Lovers Of Life and the death lovers. It's all around us... day in... day out. By the time you wake up, the opposite side has advanced and done something negative.

They attack the environment by ruining our air and water. They destroy habitat and exterminate animals. They poison our crops with genetically modified organisms. They wage wars based on lies to cover their greed. They not only murder, they enslave. They kill - day in and day out, and they do it in the name of "freedom", "democracy", "family values" and even in the name of God.


Our time is now. The time has come to put your foot down and say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done. Not only are we tired of the evil ones using the name of God to promote their illegitimate acts, we are tired of the acts themselves! We are sick and tired of The Lovers Of Death! So we need to rise up and make our mark NOW! No... I am not talking about violence. I am talking about US making the world a better place.

EVERY DAY.... every time you can.... do something GOOD. Do something that you know is good. Help somebody. Donate. Believe! Talk to people about how you feel. Inject feelings into our numb planet. We have been far too casual in our efforts, watching from the sidelines, and the enemy has made new ground. It's time to get that ground back. We all know it is better to be good than evil. So let that goodness shine from your heart! You know what to do.

And in order to gain our ground, we need to do IT more. Do two great things a day.... three..... four! Don't be afraid of our enemy! They fear us more than we fear them. THAT is why it has gotten so bad! We allowed it! No more. NO MORE! You know what to do:


Not From This World

After 1000 and 1 dangers we braved, moult dragons we kicked down, warriors and tumultuous torrents we came across, we are still alive and happy to present "debirth" our first little one. It has its faults and its few qualities (we are hoping at least).

It represents us and summarizes our history, a year and a half spent with you too. It deserves at least a certain merit, it is free! Be careful if you decide to print the album front and back pics, it could ruin your ink cartridges. We are grateful in advance to those who would give and send us a little feedback whatsoever.

Another download is still planned for April 5th: a compilation of all the Kalimbas. There is still 3 months and a few days left to lay a superb track if you want to be on the playlist. Boosted by the announcement, some groups have sent us beautiful eggs in express, we are thankful to them.

Giraffes? Giraffes!

.... Ken and Joe grew up in Massachusetts.

Even though they had never met, they both enjoyed the same amusement park. They both liked a ride called the Rotor. You would stand inside the Rotor and it would spin and you would stick to the wall and the floor would drop.

Joe once saw someone puke on the Rotor and it stuck to their face until the ride slowed down. Other names for the Rotor are the Gravitron, the Twister, the Vortex, the Turkish Twist and the Starship 2000. Have you ever seen The 400 Blows (Les Quatre Cents Coups)?

Ken has never seen anyone puke on the Rotor.

Joe and Ken first met while going to college in New Hampshire. Ken studied music, while Joe studied literature.

They drank coffee and talked about the theory that whales were once sea creatures and they evolved into wolf-like creatures that ran on land, but they didn't like it so they evolved back into sea creatures and eventually became huge fucking whales.

They formed a band.

They can both play guitar and drums, but in GIRAFFES? GIRAFFES! Joe taps and plucks while Ken taps and hits.

Ken and Joe and their very nice and very attractive girlfriends moved to Santa Cruz, California. They like it there. It's nice outside.

GIRAFFES? GIRAFFES! released their debut album "SUPERBASS!!!! (black death greatest hits vol. 1)" in December 2005.

They've played some fun shows with HELLA, ERASE ERRATA, MAKE BELIEVE, THE ADVANTAGE, THALIA ZEDEK, ECSTATIC SUNSHINE, GROWING, MAJOR STARS, SHOPLIFTING and billions of other really great bands.

LOVES IN HEAT records released the new GIRAFFES? GIRAFFES! album "More Skin With Milk-Mouth" on December 8th, 2007.

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