Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Large Hadron Collider black hole machine

Is the Large Hadron Collider going to generate uncontrollable black holes eating Earth inside out? From CERN: makers of the Web [Tim Berners-Lee].

People of Earth: we can no longer tolerate your mad worship of technology and science. Splitting atoms for bombs was bad enough. Then you started sending satellites and mechanized exploration robots to our surface to pester us, even steal our soil.

But now! Now you seek to force protons to collide, traveling at 99.99% speed of light, so fast they almost disappear in time! Stop this madness, unplug that infernal Large Hadron Collider of CERN. Them voracious black holes, after they finish eating Earth and its moon, will then come after us, Mercury, Venus, and etc.

-- Mars Publicity Ministry

The Large Hadron Collider is trying to emulate the energy of the Big Bang on a small scale. This will be weaponized to fight the Martians.

"Collision of hadronic beams at 99.99% lightspeed is perfectly safe and blinking black holes never hurt anyone!" - Professor Moneywaste. @tinbashr - But the Technological Imperative states: if you can do it, do it, fuck humanity, Technology is God. This is their motive. Technological Imperative (tech determinism/inevitability) coined by Langdon Winner
@cshirky the Technological Imperative silenced the critics of accelerating hadronic beams at lightspeed. "LHC is nice," they commanded. @cshirky - Yes, LHC made blinking black holes, but CERN assures me they're transitory and no more harmful than eating enriched plutonium.
When the LHC officially begins its experiments, multiple terabytes of data per second will flow out of Europe via fiber optic cables to thousands of researchers spread across the globe, including over 1700 in the United States. This experiment will significantly increase the amount of data that the U.S. scientific community must transport and manage.

Fortunately, the U.S. Department of Energy’s (DOE) Energy Sciences Network (ESnet), Internet2, the country’s leading research and education network, and USLHCNet, which provides transatlantic network connectivity from the LHC facility to the United States have prepared for moving the massive amounts of data to U.S. sites where scientists can analyze the information.

These organizations have worked closely together to aggressively deploy the most advanced networks with enough bandwidth and capabilities to reliably transport multiple streams of 10 Gigabits of information per second – the equivalent of transmitting 500 hours of digital music per second for each 10 Gigabit line. The LHC will be the first experiment to fully utilize the advanced capabilities of these networks, which will connect DOE national laboratories and university researchers across the country to the LHC data.....


The LHC has been nicknamed the “Big Bang Machine” because scientists will use it to recreate the cosmic conditions one trillionth of a second after the big bang, in hopes of finding insights into the origins of matter.

It consists of a 27 kilometer tunnel and cathedral-sized caverns 100 meters underground. The accelerator magnets that guide the beams on their circular orbit are supercooled to a temperature just slightly above absolute zero, which is colder than outer space. It will accelerate matter to 99.999999% the speed of light, and recreate conditions a trillionth of a second after the big bang.

-- Internet2 newsletter report on LHC

Big Bang background radiation, I'd like to introduce you to the universe-destroyer, the Large Hadron Collider. Here it goes.....BANG BANG! @David_N_Wilson The Large Hadron Collider disaster may make "global warming" seem like a stroll through the park in comparison. LOL If self is derived from an anonymous "Big Bang" that farted randomly in proto-space many moons ago, death is not a doorway.
I trust the CERN scientists as much as I trust the nuclear energy frauds who lied in the 50s about the safety of radiation and nuclear waste
"Ladies & gentlemen, some sub-atomic transitory blinking black holes have escaped the collider & are now eating the Earth. Sorry. Run!" CERN

@CoolMomsRule - I have a field tested metaphysical soccer play that will kick the butts of those black holes. I will protect the Earthlings!
The disciples of the Technological Imperative whose determinism is irreversible and beyond debate, want to reassure us that making a mini-Big Bang is perfectly safe. Indeed, a very nice thing to do. Don't worry about those blinking sub-atomic black holes. They don't eat much.

Hell, you can buy a whole jar of Black Holes for only $26.95. What do we need LHC renegade black holes for?

CERN Large Hadron Collider publicity page

Large Hadron Collider home page

Death threats made to CERN scientists (Telegraph UK)

Large Hadron Collider Wikipedia article

That's a renegade post-boring transitory flickering LHC black hole, perfectly safe & nice, eating the crap out of my face. Be afraid!

I'm quite confident that Big Pharma has some pill or vaccine shot that'll take care of this LHC black hole that's eating my face. Certainly.

Will somebody who loathes the Technological Imperative please tell CERN to turn off that particle accelerator? My face is almost gone now.

1 comment:

Jake said...

Yeah something is unnerving about it, guess all us peons have to hope nothing bad happens, as usual.

Oh and you should follow me on Twitter - I've been retweeting yr kickass tweets all day! Haha.