Tuesday, April 1, 2014

No More Status Updates on Facebook

Facebook to eliminate status updates and comments, starting July 4, 2014

Independence Day this year will mark the beginning of a whole new Facebook experience.

Instead of posting updates on your life, your lunch, and your cat, you will only be viewing what Facebook decides to post in your news feed, which will be news about missing planes, ads for exciting products based on your interests, and announcements about celebrity antics.

Embarrassingly personal status updates, and all those dopey comments that used to be posted to them, will be a thing of the past.

This will make life a lot easier for everyone.

No more FOMO (fear of missing out).

No more agonizing over what to complain about each day.

No more bathroom selfies that make you look gross.

No more stressful political arguments.

No more alleged quotes from famous people that they never said.

No more ranting about how comical the "Noah" movie is.

No more asking if anybody knows of good jobs with benefits (since there are none).

No more feeling obligated to click Like and Share on silly click-bait images.

All you'll have to do is just relax and view a steady stream of Sponsored Posts from Facebook's advertisers.

I think it is a wonderful development.

I don't get much out of all these status updates people post. 

It's either too personal or it's preaching to the choir. Facebook will be more like a news service, plus discount deals on things I'm actually interested in buying, based on my interests, which Facebook has been tracking.

It's the ultimate implementation of the Knowledge Graph of data mining.

Allowing us to post status updates and comments was just a gimmick to get us to go to Facebook every day. Now that training period is coming to an end.

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