Saturday, July 13, 2013

Business Startups Satire

There's a business startup called Fashism. You post a photo of your hair or what you're wearing, and people vote on if it stinks or looks okay ("leave it" or "love it").

I've come up with some possible startups:

Totalitariancestry -- find out if you had ancestors who hated freedom, were dictators, or tyrant supporters.

Viagrastry -- post a photo yourself , then people vote on whether you're handsome enough to have sex, or let your withered loathsome dangler "rot on the vine" and figure your procreation days are now behind you.

FatFinder -- post a photo of yourself in that dress you're concerned about, and people vote on whether it makes you look fat or not.

Musicide -- type in your 20 favorite bands and an automatic algorithm tells you if your tastes suck or are superb.

Politifigment -- type in a political opinion and a unbiased database of political science, current events, and common sense tells you if your ideological statement is based on facts or just a figment of an extremist partisan imagination.

PhilOfficer -- type in a philsophical idea and a database of profundity and practicality tells you if it makes sense from views ranging from phenomenology and teleology to aesthetics and ethics.

ArtifIcer -- type in an artistic idea and a database of art history and current artwork tells you if it's been done before, it's got any aesthetic value, or if you should relegate it to a trite and unhip category like "spurious post-surrealism", "dated dada dopiness", or "childish pseudo-primitivism".

Social Status Screener -- type in a social media status update you're considering and people vote on whether you should post it or roast it (delete it).

PickupALyzer -- type in a pickup line you're considering using on some gal and people vote on whether you should say it or slay it (refrain from using it).

PoliticalCorrector -- type in what you want to say, and a database of slang, slurs, and slippery slopes determines if there is any people group or class of citizen who could potentially be offended, and if so, translates your statement in more polite, super sensitive language.

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